I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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