How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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