She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
