I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
