Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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