your parents love me but you hate me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
