i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
