i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
