so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
