Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
