Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
