had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
