It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
