worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
