So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
