I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
