Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
