yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
True strength comes from lack of pants
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize