I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
