It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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