Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
