My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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