I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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