you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
