i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
