I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
