i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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