I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
