Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Even my vagina gasped.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We have so much sex to catch up on
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
