i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
