What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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