just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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