the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
