My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
