honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
