Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
