Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
