If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
