don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
