Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
