please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
