Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
