If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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