Can Purell be used as lube?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
