I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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