My first STD was from a foam party
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize