my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
