mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
