You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
