sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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