you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
