My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
