I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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