new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
