So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
