You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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