I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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