a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
