I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
