He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
