three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
