My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
