why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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