I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They took my balls.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
