y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will be naked everywhere
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
