why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
