I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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