Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
