I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
