i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
