in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There r osticjed everywhere
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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