How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My hand turned me down
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
