this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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