So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bring money and cleavage
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
