Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
