before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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