i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
