Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
