so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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