also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
