stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
