I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
