You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
