Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
