How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I will die if light touches me.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
