This is not my ceiling
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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