How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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