can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
