Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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