you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
