wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
