And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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