Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
