For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This girl is more easily done than said...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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