I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
