Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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