I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
