Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
