bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
