Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
