he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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