I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize