You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
